uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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