I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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