Small penises have feelings too.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
