I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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