i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
