I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
