Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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