Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
