My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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