I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
