i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
