You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
