i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
