I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
