I bet he comes in French.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
