My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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