So drunk, too bad you don't want this
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
