Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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