true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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