i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
