HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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