Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Too much gin, very little bucket
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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