Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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