he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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