I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
