I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
