i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
