whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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