Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
It's just like the Real World with babies
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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