I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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