a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
if only i could text you this smell
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
