Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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