ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
