...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
