Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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