I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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