dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
What drink are we having for lunch?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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