one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize