Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
