i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
