Is it normal to miss your booty call?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
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