tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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