morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
