im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize