I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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