i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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