For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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