It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
