So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize