Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
