based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
