I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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