is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
