i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize