Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
