No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
