Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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