I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
