never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
