After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize