were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
