Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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