No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
