just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
