You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
only you would photoshop your dick
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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