It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
