So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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