just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I haven't been this sober since birth.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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