Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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