I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
