its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
