I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
