the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
