Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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