hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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