Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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