dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
