my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
