help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
