So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
