She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
