Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
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