I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
