He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
