my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize