her vagina looked like bernie madoff
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
