I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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