Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you didnt know i had herpes?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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