I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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