went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just want nice things and good sex
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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