Ketchup is God's man juice
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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