I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
