First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
