just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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