I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
she smelled like a LAN party
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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