dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
