This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
