i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
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