i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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