how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
