My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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